Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously.

 Check out their new livery! And have a read  about their Customer  Relations.



WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN’T  FLY  INTERNATIONALLY – WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR   HUMOUR – SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an  Airline with head  office situated inJohannesburg. Kulula airline  attendants  make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and   announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some  real  examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight,  (there is no  assigned seating, you just sit where you want)  passengers  were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a  flight  attendant announced,
“People, people we’re not  picking  out furniture here, find a seat and get in it !”
—o0o—

On another flight with  a very “senior”  flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
“Ladies and gentlemen,  we’ve reached cruising altitude  and will be turning down the cabin  lights. This is for  your comfort and to enhance the appearance of  your flight  attendants.”
—-o0o—

On  landing, the  stewardess said,
“Please be sure  to  take all of your belongings.. If you’re going to leave  anything,  please make sure it ‘s something we’d like to  have.”
—-o0o—

There may be 50   ways to leave your lover, but there  are only 4  ways out of this airplane.”
—o0o—

Thank you  for flying Kulula. We  hope you enjoyed giving us the  business as much as we  enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
—o0o—

As the  plane landed and was coming  to a stop  atDurban Airport, a lone voice came over the  loudspeaker:
“Whoa, big fella.  WHOA!”
—o0o–

After a  particularly rough landing  during thunderstorms in  the Karoo, a flight attendant on a  flight announced, “Please take  care when opening the  overhead compartments because, after a landing  like that,  sure as hell everything has shifted.”
—o0o—

From a Kulula employee:
Welcome aboard  Kulula  271 to  Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat  belt, insert the metal tab into  the buckle, and pull  tight. It works just like every other seat  belt; and, if  you don’t know how to operate one, you probably  shouldn’t  be out in public unsupervised.”
—o0o—

In the  event of a sudden loss of  cabin pressure, masks  will descend from the ceiling. Stop  screaming, grab the mask, and  pull it over your face. If  you have a small child traveling with  you, secure your  mask before assisting with theirs. If you are  traveling  with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
—o0o—

Weather at our   destination is 50 degrees with some broken  clouds,  but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank   you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more  than  Kulula Airlines.”
—-o0o—

Your  seat  cushions can be used for flotation; and  in  the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to   shore and take them with our compliments.”
—o0o—

As you  exit the plane, make sure to  gather all of your  belongings. Anything left behind will  be distributed evenly among  the flight attendants. Please  do not leave children or  spouses..”
—o0o—

And from  the pilot during his  welcome  message:
“Kulula  Airlines is pleased to  announce that we have some of the best flight  attendants  in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this   flight!”
—o0o

Heard on Kulula   255 just after a very hard  landing inCape  Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and  said,
“That was quite a bump and I know what y’all are   thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s  fault,  it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight  attendant’s fault,  it was the asphalt.”
—o0o

Overheard  on a Kulula flight into  Cape Town, on a  particularly windy and bumpy day: During  the final approach, the  Captain really had to fight it.  After an extremely hard landing, the  Flight Attendant  said,
“Ladies and Gentlemen,  welcome to The Mother  City. Please remain in your seats with your  seat belts  fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our   airplane to the gate!”
—o0o

Another  flight attendant’s  comment on a less than perfect   landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain   Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
—o0o

An airline  pilot wrote that on this  particular  flight he had hammered his ship into the runway  really hard. The  airline had a policy which required the  first officer to stand at  the door while the passengers  exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks  for flying our  airline”. He said that, in light of his bad landing,  he  had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,  thinking  that someone would have a smart comment. Finally  everyone had gotten  off except for a little old lady  walking with a cane. She said,
“Sir, do you mind if I   ask you a question?”
“Why, no Ma’am,” said the  pilot.  “What is it ?”
The little old lady  said,
“Did we   land, or were we shot down?”
—o0o

After a  real crusher of a landing in  Johannesburg, the  attendant came on with,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in  your seats  until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the  aircraft  to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire   smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we  will  open the door and you can pick your way through the  wreckage to the  terminal..”
—o0o

Part  of a flight attendant’s  arrival announcement:
“We’d like to thank you  folks for flying with us  today.. And, the next time you get the  insane urge to go  blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal  tube, we  hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”
—o0o

Heard on a  Kulula flight:
“Ladies and gentlemen, if you  wish to smoke, the  smoking section on this airplane is on the wing..  If you  can light ’em, you can smoke  ’em.”  

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